Week 1: Life Change


WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG! I’ll tell you what’s going on in a nutshell. And I’ll include some pictures. (This might take a while.)

First: my blog.

So I just can’t just NOT blog. I want to keep in touch with people and let them know what’s going on in my life! Plus, I want to document my pursuit of a career that I love so much. I plan on blogging weekly. I haven’t really decided on a day yet. Most likely it will be every weekend. But I’ll be writing about everything: my first audition, my first dance class, my first voice lesson, my first job, my first callback (fingers crossed), my follies and my lessons learned… (I’ll get to that). So, if you’re planning on moving to New York and you want to know all the “What Shouldn’t I Do”s… stay tuned.

Second: my apartment!

Here are some picturessssssssss:

MY ROOM! From both corners! EEK! I loves it! I’ll put up pictures of the rest of it soon. Right now I just have a lot of other things to do.

Third: getting a survival job…


I tried craigslist. I applied to 25 places. Haven’t heard back. One of them was like, “Needed: hot nude male models. Pose naked, ends with j/o. $750.”

….listen, I’ve done some nude modeling… and this just sounds like porn. So. Choose your words wisely.

I saw an ad yesterday for an “open call” for jobs. That’s like, a thing here. Jobs post “open calls” where you just show up at the building between these certain hours, bring a resume and wait in line for an interview. So I ran to one of them yesterday. I dressed really nice.. but then I realized I was NOT qualified at all for the job. By far. Not. At. All.

Bossman: Have you ever worked in fine dining?
Me: …I worked at a wings place.
Bossman: Would you call that “fine dining”?
Me: ….no.
Bossman: How’s your wine knowledge.
Me:… not good, but I do know liquor.
Bossman: Do you know how to open a bottle of wine?
Me:…. yes?
Bossman: How?
Me: …with a bottle opener?
Bossman:…no. How many plates can you carry?
Me:…without a tray?
Bossman: Yes.
Me: I don’t know.
Bossman: You’re not really what we’re looking for. But would you be interested in catering?
Me: Sure!

So. CRASHBOOMBANG. Terrible job interview. BUT! He has my number, and he’ll call me for “on-call” catering. So. That’s something! But while I was there, I talked to this girl while I was waiting and she was talking about how her gay friend bartends in Chelsea and makes $600 a night.

I’m going to Chelsea today.

Fourth: Friends.

A LOT of my friends live really near! Drew and Brian live like a 5 minute walk away. Emily/Dana/Adam/Sadie live like a 10 minute walk away. Alex is like a 20 minute walk. So that blows but whatever, it’s doable. I guess Andrea lives near Drew so she’s close, too. Meggan lives nearby as well. YAY! It’s awesome.

Fifth: Life.

I got a new bag. IT’S PUMA. It’s awesome:

It’s blue. And it’s leather. And it is SO.WINNING.

Here’s my street at night:

And this is one block from me:

MOUNT SINAI, CAITY!! And there’s an emergency room across the street. So. If I ever poke my eye out, I’ll just have to stumble over there.

There are laundromats everywhere. And for a little extra, THEY will wash your clothes for you and then they fold them and shit. AWESOME. I live like 5 blocks from the subway. Takes me like 30 minutes to get to Times Square. There’s a gym like an 8 minute walk away… $10 A MONTH. $20 a month if I want free tanning and a free guest whenever I want. UM. BYE. There’s this awesome bakery like 2 blocks away. THERE’S FROYO LIKE 6 BLOCKS AWAY. Ugh. There are cute little cafes all along my street. There’s an elementary school  two blocks away so there are a bunch of kids in my neighborhood. It’s all just, so awesome.

Now. To be real.

I am giving up drinking. For so many reasons. So many:

1) I feel like shit the next day. Emotionally, physically, mentally.
2) I hate who I am when I drink. Deirdre comes out, and while I LOVE Deirdre, she just needs to take the back seat for a while.
3) I usually only drink when I’m bored. And I never want to stop after just one.
4) I can have a good time without it.
5) I do it for the wrong reasons.

I just start drinking cuz I feel like I’m not enough. Listen, I’m not an alcoholic. Not at all. But I just hate alcohol so much. I start drinking cuz I feel like I’m boring. Or I feel like I have to. But I am enough, I’m not boring and I don’t have to.

I uprooted my life from the Midwest to the East Coast. I did exactly what I wanted to do, I live exactly where I want and I’m doing exactly what I want to do. And now, it’s time to be exactly who I want to be. I love me a dreamer but fuck, sometimes they is lazy. I’m not lazy. I want a killer bod: let’s do this. No more drinking and eating crap. Get that cheap ass gym membership. I want to be a better dancer? Great. Miss Sara gave me $100 to take dance class. Yep. Let’s do this. I ordered new jazz shoes and ballet shoes so once they come, I’m gonna be ON.IT. I’m gonna vocalize every day and stretch every day.

I can be better.

And I know my decision will upset some friends. That’s ok. But please respect me the same way you would respect a vegetarian’s choice not to eat meat. And I’m not judging. It’s just not for me. This is my fresh start so I’m wiping the slate clean and starting over.

It’s just. Ugh. In my heart’s quest for love, I just do stupid, stupid things.  And I forgive myself.

It’s not gonna be easy, but this is what I want to do. I’ll still go out, but I won’t drink. So. Deal with it.

I’m just breakable. “We are so fragile. And our cracking bones my noise. And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.”

Deidre can take the back seat.

“Cuz it’s my turn to decide.”
~”King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles




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